When approaching negative feelings I know that I ought to do the healthy thing of excusing myself from the situation, think on true, good, pure, and virtuous, and then consider what good thing I should do next. Usually, when I feel overly frustrated I tend to automatically express my inability to handle what is going on at the moment. When I feel useless and worthless I know that I ought to talk to someone who can encourage me. Unfortunately that was my ex… so now I usually just sit in silence and think about how worthless I am for letting her cheat on me, leave me, and trying to win her back until I was warned that was a method of women to get their husbands imprisoned. I constantly have the feeling that life now holds nothing good for me, which I let live rent free in my head. I know that what I’m dealing with is grief similar to the feeling that one has when they blame themselves for that person dying. The failure is to realize that despite everything God knows the day of our death. I am supposed to realize that he let the entire relationship occur because it helped her deal with the loss of her dad, the remarriage of her mom, and helped her find her work niche; nevertheless, I should see that it means that no woman will ever find me attractive, but I can’t help feeling that way. I mean when a certain individual at church smiles my way it takes away that feeling, but I feel like if they knew everything that I have been through they wouldn’t like me. All I do with that feeling is avoid addressing my feelings, because the disillusionment of that idea I think might crush my spirit. I know the real solution is realizing that Jesus is the source of your joy and not anyone else, but it doesn’t mean my actions follow the truth. Sometimes I think to justify the attitude that I have with Luke 6:38, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again”. Wresting this to a false belief that encouraging others can return to you at times when you need it, but I realize that the context is talking about giving forgiveness. That doesn’t mean you can’t “miss it” and be stuck in the wilderness for fourty years or only have three victories where you could have destroyed all your enemies. I admit that I missed finding the right woman feeling discouraged at 29 years old and not having had a single date at that point. Now that I’m 37 it doesn’t look good going forward, so all I do with that feeling is remember that I promised that if I ever hit my wife I would take my own life. It would be claiming that she wasn’t lying about leaving the house and coming home with new bruises, but blaming me for injuring her to kill myself, so at least that’s not an option anymore…
MundyWrites 
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